I don’t need proof of God. To me, it’s obvious.
Of course there’s God.
If there wasn’t we wouldn’t have penicillin, or the internet, or mascara.
Even more incredibly the planet itself is situated in this Goldilocks Zone (not too hot, not too cold) which allows us to have water (and therefore Diet Coke), a stable rotation which keeps us all from being scorched, a protective magnetic field, and a big beautiful moon that does a whole load of things I can’t even pronounce – all of which combine to make Earth a one in quintillion kind of a planet.
I don’t believe in coincidence under any given circumstances – certainly not one of that magnitude.
Which is how I know that the blessing I’ve just received isn’t a coincidence. It’s a meant-to-be kind of thing. It was the exact bolt out of the blue sign I’d been hoping for. It’s one that makes me think, ‘yeah, okay, I’m on the right track here.’
But while I’m sure that there is God who’s saying to me, ‘Claire, babe, we got this,‘ at the same time I’m also alarmingly aware of a few demons that are waiting to plague me.
Ones that are trying to push me off a track I’ve spent years trying to find. They’ve always been there, but at the moment they’re proving to be relentless.
They come to me with temptation, and I know I’m not on my own on this one. They look to tempt everyone; me, you, that woman I see in the gym who always looks like she’s sucking on a lemon…everyone. Even Ed Sheeran sings about it…
Everyday that Satan tempts me I try to take it in my stride.
But my temptations don’t come from whiskey with white lines and smoke in my lungs – I’m tempted by something that would kill me in a whole other way.
Fighting it is never ending. I have to remind myself everyday; ‘Don’t do it. Don’t be that person. Don’t think about that kind of life. Think of something else. Preferably something constructive.’
(I’d explain, but I think this is a less-is-more kind of thing. Come on, this isn’t anonymous.)
But in a way it’s giving me comfort. It’s reinforcing that I’m on the right track.
You see, the way I see it, temptation exists to make smart people do dumb things. Because if they’re busy doing dumb things, they won’t be doing smart things.
Which, in my brain, means I must be doing something smart. If I wasn’t, these demons wouldn’t be trying so hard to tempt me away from them. They’d just leave me to be my own kind of dumb.
Some days they really get me. I waste a lot of time daydreaming about the wrong kind of life. Some days it’s not so much of a problem. I think only about saying all the right words.
These are the days I’ve got to live for. The ones where temptation doesn’t drive me crazy. The ones where I’ve got too much focus to be tempted by anything.
It’s difficult for me because I have natural disposition to keep my head in the clouds. When your head is way up there it’s a lot easier for it to waste time daydreaming about the wrong things.
Which is actually another reason why I don’t need proof of God.
Because somehow, with this dreamy disposition and an impossibly strong pull towards temptation, I’m able to remain this focused. I can’t take any credit for that; I can only attribute it to that marvellous voice, the one that speaks to me with resounding clarity and says;
‘Claire, babe, we got this. I’ve been telling you for years how we got this. Believe me now, will you?’
When I hear that, I know. I just know.
And there is no amount of temptation in the world that would ever be worth losing that for.